Sorority Is...Not Perfect

I think part of our disappointment in Greek life stems from a lack of satisfaction which in turn leads to a lack of retention. I realize how pessimistic this comes across, but let me get a little wordy for a moment.

Satisfaction—or rather, dissatisfaction, is the result of a lack of performance in relation to the height of expectation. In other words, when we sell the sorority package and advertise "no more bad hair days, dates galore, perfect friends forever, and the secret to suddenly becoming morning people," we are setting ourselves up to disappoint a woman or two! Amirite??

My point to all this is that being an involved sorority woman has given me so much—but it's required of me equally, if not more. The package I bought when I joined my three-lettered organization with colors, philanthropy, and sentimental creed relating back to all the core values I've ever hoped to embody in this life was NOT a cookie cutter, pre-made, no-assembly-required type of buy-in. But rather, this organization required me as a member to deeply invest my time, energy, talent, and love into a collection of amazingly flawed, beautiful people. 

The nights I struggled most with my organized assembly of souls were the nights I was dissatisfied with the imperfection that comes with the humanity of our organizations.

When I sat in recruitment 4 years ago, all I could think about were all the perfect people surrounding me. I saw all the beautiful girls with their hair, every strand in place, every move in sync, every word said with poise and grace. I was consumed with this idea of perfectionism. I remember running through my resume before attending the various nights, making sure to note at some point in the conversation some of my proudest activities and honors and making sure I had only the best profile pictures on social media in the event they saw me. If I was going to join perfect, I in turn had to become perfect. 

As bid day came and went, I was so excited to be a part of such a wonderfully perfect group. I wanted all the shirts with letters, pinned all the perfectly "sorority quotes" on Pinterest, and quickly made sure my car and every social profile I had displayed my letters across them. What I didn’t understand at that time but quickly realized was that the recruitment room filled with perfect girls was in all reality a room filled with passionately flawed, imperfect women.


I joined a group of outstanding people, don’t get me wrong. But the more time I invested in their hearts, the more I began to see all of our many flaws. Some of us come from messes that would only sound real in movies. Others struggle with body image or grades. All of us have had absurdly embarrassing moments, and we have all spent a night discussing the petrifying realities of the future and how we have no idea what we’re going to be doing in the next five years. We’ve wasted lots of mascara crying over things that don’t matter, and we’ve obsessed over the opinions of those who don’t deserve the attention. These are the people who surround me. Not perfect people but rather people with pasts and messes and bright bold futures. They’re forces to be reckoned with, souls on fire, with all the life, gifts, and talents ready to share with the world.

These women are strong. They know strength because they’ve struggled and because they’ve had someone to bare their burdens with. 

I am strong because I have a back bone made of a hundred sisters in Christ who pray for me and with me when I need it most and help me buck up when they know I can achieve greater. 

These women who surround me, they are not perfect by any means. They are hard-working, money managing, time crunched, stressed out, wonderful messes who are great with a curling iron and lip stick. And they are my family. They help me figure it out every day. I thank God that he did not bless me with perfect friends but perfectly imperfect sisters who love me and all my imperfections too.

So when examining "what sorority is:", I suggest not starting with what it is but with what it is not. 

•It is not perfect—and that is ok! Who can handle perfection? Who can keep up with that mentality? How do we forgive and be forgiven in a realm that scorns imperfection?

•It is not an excuse to be exclusive—the misconception that we can only foster friendships within our own organizations is the exact opposite of what our founders had envisioned. I can only think that I was given the opportunity to grow and cope with life with a group of like-minded individuals so that I might be a better communicator with the world around me and be able to initiate new ties and friendships because of the confidence I found in having my own support system.

•It is not the ultimate goal—the beauty of having an established community is that these organizations are meant to help you discover yourself and support you in pursuit of all your aspirations. We are not here to say, "you're in XYZ, congratulations, you've made it!".   Instead, we've taken a pledge that says, "you've joined XYZ, now I pledge to help you realize your dreams, support you when it gets tough, and just love you anyway."

In summation, sorority is not just Greek letters, t-shirts, socials, and car decals. It's so, so much more. I would proudly say that I am a part of a phenomenal chapter, but if you're looking for perfection, we're just not your girls.



Post Written by Guest Blogger, Lauren Copeland; Edited by UNA Panhellenic